Sunday at 1 League Newsletter

Week 1 Recap & Awards

Game of the Week:
The Year (158.32) def. Droppin’ Deuces (141.18)
Neil opened the season like Thanos collecting Infinity Stones — Herbert, CMC, and Breece Hall combined to snap Brad out of existence. Brad’s Deuces were massive (thanks, Derrick Henry), but Neil flushed him anyway.

Other Matchups:

• Buffalo Soldier (128.76) def. Red Zone Assassins (116.22)
  Dave’s Lamar Jackson carried the team like a Sherpa up Mount Everest. John’s Assassins? More like Red Zone Trespass Warning.

• Jobu Needs a Refill (104.08) def. Cranjis McBasketball (84.02)
  Rich’s hungover squad still handled business while Jackson’s Cranjis looked like a 6th-grade rec league team. McBasketball? More like McMissed Layup.

• Romulan Warbirds (145.30) def. Shottenheimers (140.02)
  Dennis deployed Bijan and Keon Coleman as weapons of mass destruction. Chris fought valiantly, but as reigning Toilet Bowl champ, the universe just refuses to let him win.

• CRUSHERS (135.92) def. Fighting Jive Turkeys (127.78)
  Chuck reminded everyone he’s still the champ. Connor got Baker Mayfield’s career game, yet still fell short — proving turkeys can’t fly.

• Steel Curtain (145.70) def. Hunka Hunka Bernie Love (110.92)
  Jeff unleashed Josh Allen for 50 points. Brian’s team had Justin Fields doing cardio while the rest of his roster filed for missing persons.

League Awards

Stud of the Week: Josh Allen (50.7) — carried Jeff’s Steel Curtain like a drunk uncle at a wedding.

Dumpster Fire of the Week: Cranjis McBasketball — 84 points. That’s not fantasy football, that’s preseason CFL.

Bench Blunder: Whoever left 20+ points rotting on their bench, congrats, you’re living the true fantasy nightmare. (Honorable mention: anyone who trusted the Lions’ defense.)

Turkey of the Week: Xavier Worthy (0.0) — Connor started him anyway, because why not hand Chuck the W?

Upset Alert: Jobu Needs a Refill winning with negative defensive points. That’s like forgetting your pants but still getting into the nightclub.

Closing Thoughts

Week 1 showed us two things:

1. Neil’s team might need to be drug-tested.

2. Chris might want to start redecorating the Toilet Bowl, because it looks like it’s staying in the family.