Sunday at 1 League Newsletter – Week 9
“Bowers, Blunders, and the Buffalo Blues”

Because nothing says fantasy football like heartbreak, heroics, and one guy starting JuJu Smith-Schuster in 2025.

LEAGUE CHECK-IN: MIDSEASON MELTDOWN

Week 9 was a fever dream. Tight ends dropped 40, superstars vanished, and half the league forgot what a bench is for. Jobu Needs a Refill (6-3) keeps riding the voodoo wave. The Shottenheimers (5-4) continue their redemption arc from Toilet Bowl shame. CRUSHERS (6-3) woke up angry and decided to ruin someone’s day.
Meanwhile, Buffalo Soldier (2-7) is now competing for the Nobel Prize in Futility. Droppin’ Deuces (4-5) lived up to their name again, and Red Zone Assassins (4-5) discovered that one man named Brock Bowers can carry an entire fantasy franchise.

GAME RECAPS

Jobu Needs a Refill (136.26) def. Buffalo Soldier (129.46)
Coach Rich dodged a full-blown Rico uprising as Dowdle ran wild again. But JuJu Smith-Schuster dragged Dave’s hopes to the depths. Lamar Jackson’s 4 TDs weren’t enough to overcome JuJu’s invisible man act.
Coach Rich: “It’s not luck—it’s ritual.”

Red Zone Assassins (146.47) def. Droppin’ Deuces (93.06)
Coach John unleashed Brock Bowers, who turned into Zeus with a football—12 catches, 3 TDs, and possibly divine intervention. Brad’s team looked constipated by comparison. Kamara fumbled both the ball and his pride.
Coach John: “When Bowers eats, everyone eats.”

Cranjis McBasketball (141.30) def. Fighting Jive Turkeys (110.10)
Coach Jackson’s team found its swagger behind Tee Higgins’ 37-point masterpiece. Mahomes looked human, and Connor’s team looked like leftovers. The Turkeys gobbled... softly.
Coach Jackson: “We didn’t win—we dominated politely.”

Romulan Warbirds (124.16) def. Steel Curtain (109.52)
Sam Darnold? Yes, that Sam Darnold. The galaxy’s most unexpected hero threw for 4 TDs while Jeff’s Engram posted a very Engram-like zero. Defense wins championships—but not here.
Coach Dennis: “The Force was strong this week.”

The Shottenheimers (158.00) def. The Year (143.38)
Chris’s squad continues its rise from last year’s basement. Amon-Ra, Nacua, and LaPorta combined for divine chaos, while Neil’s CMC and Herbert combo wasn’t enough to fend off destiny.
Coach Chris: “It’s not luck—it’s lifestyle.”

CRUSHERS (183.14) def. Hunka Hunka Bernie Love (137.32)
Coach Chuck finally remembered he’s the reigning champ, dropping 183 and turning the league into rubble. Stafford’s 4 TDs led a demolition crew of Monangai, Brown, and Marvin Harrison Jr. Brian’s London calling turned into a busy signal as his running backs ghosted him.
Coach Chuck: “Wasn’t personal. Just business.”

WEEKLY CROWN – CRUSHERS (183.14)

Coach Chuck woke up and chose violence. Stafford and Monangai went nuclear, and the champ reminded everyone why the belt still fits.

STUD OF THE WEEK – Brock Bowers (49.3 pts, Red Zone Assassins)

Twelve catches, three touchdowns, and enough yardage to make his quarterback blush. John’s tight end turned into Zeus with a football.

DUMPSTER FIRE OF THE WEEK – Droppin’ Deuces (93.06)

Kamara fumbled, Croskey-Merritt was barely visible, and the entire team looked like they needed Pepto Bismol.

LINEUP BLUNDER  – JuJu Smith-Schuster (1.2 pts, Buffalo Soldier)

Coach Dave, this isn’t 2018. Bench him, release him, and maybe light some sage.

UPSET OF THE WEEK – Romulan Warbirds over Steel Curtain

Darnold threw lasers, the Curtain frayed, and Dennis pulled off an intergalactic heist.

POWER RANKINGS – Week 9 Edition

1. CRUSHERS (6-3) – The champ reminds everyone who’s boss.

2. The Shottenheimers (5-4) – Still surfing the St. Brown wave.

3. Jobu Needs a Refill (6-3) – The voodoo still works, just less flashy.

4. Red Zone Assassins (4-5) – Bowers became a religion.

5. Cranjis McBasketball (4-5) – Trending upward like a Dogecoin chart.

6. Fighting Jive Turkeys (5-4) – Mahomes needs therapy.

7. Romulan Warbirds (4-5) – Darnold renaissance confirmed.

8. Hunka Hunka Bernie Love (5-4) – London called, but defense didn’t answer.

9. The Year (4-5) – Great players, bad juju (literally).

10. Steel Curtain (5-4) – Defense doesn’t score enough.

11. Droppin’ Deuces (4-5) – Still messy, still unpredictable.

12. Buffalo Soldier (2-7) – Rico deserves better.

CLOSING THOUGHT 

Week 9 was proof that fantasy football isn’t a game—it’s an emotional endurance test. One week you’re a god, the next you’re Googling “should I bench my entire team?” Play smart, pray often, and remember: if Brock Bowers is available, you’ve already lost.